Wounded healer or undercover crazy? Coming out (quietly)

Diana-Ross-Im-Coming-Out-226813

Back in 2013 I wrote a piece on this blog about navigating professional and personal identities online, particularly in relation to being a healthcare professional. Reading it now, so much of it still feels as relevant to me as it did then. Since I qualified last year I decided that I’d “open” up my twitter and writing and link it with my “real” name. My main rationale for doing this was that I’d taken a job outside of the NHS in a new geographical area. Without the structure of university and attending NHS professionals meetings I felt quite cut off from the rest of the psychology and healthcare world. I wondered if in continuing to stay “pseudo-anonymous” limited opportunities to connect with other professionals and also possibilities for doing more writing and public engagement.

My main hesitation about being “out” and open is that I’ve written in detail about my own life experiences, which include experiences of using mental health services. I have concerns about how my own disclosures might be judged by future employers, colleagues and therapy clients, and the impact of this. It’s hard to work out whether this is a realistic concern or my own internalised stigma. I don’t feel that my experiences limit my ability to do my job well (though I worry that others may think this). I feel well enough to do my job and I have a clear plan for what I would do if this were to change.

Going back through my blog I’ve taken out only a few pieces. These were the stories that contained information about other people in my life that would be made more identifiable. Whilst I’ve chosen to be more open, I respect others’ privacy and it isn’t for me to share their story for them without their consent.

When I first started my blog I was particularly looking for a space to marry up my experiences as a service-user and as a professional. It’s been a useful reflective space and I’ve really valued the conversations with others through this, particularly other professionals who write about their lived experience (PsychConfessions , CBTwithAlieshia, Giant Fossilized Armadillo and pd2oT) and mental health activists who write in candid detail to raise awareness (e.g. BipolarBlogger and Ilona Burton). Just before I qualified I took part in a research study about psychologists drawing on their lived experiences of distress (I hope this will be published and I’ll get a good quote in!). It was a powerful experience taking part, it really brought together all of my experiences as I was transitioning from trainee to qualified clinical psychologist. I also applied for a post where one of the “desired criteria” was experience of using mental health services. This sent a very strong message that my experience was valued, but I still felt my heart beating heavily in my chest as I typed a vague line in my application about drawing on my experience to consider client expectations and barriers to engagement! It wasn’t raised in the interview, but I felt glad I had taken up the opportunity.

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